Oh, baby! Oh you poor thing, don’t you know? What a beautiful thing it is, to be able to struggle. Even a moment of suffering is truly amazing. How beautiful it is to blossom. How good it is to overcome. How perfect it is to be imperfect. Ours is a story of awakening to the flower blooming, the flower bloomed, and its inevitable descent back into the earth from which it came, so as to make new flowers forever and ever. Why? Because flowers look nice, that's why. What a gift this impermanence is! What a gift purposelessness is! What a terribly beautiful beauty absolute freedom is! What a goddamn delicious strawberry! What a gorgeous flower! What a refreshing glass of nothing!

“I am a representative of a Self beyond you, Mike, or any of the other silly persona’s you have created in the name of functioning as a soul-with-a-body-in-a-world-gone-mad. I am a representative of a self beyond the problems of living and dying. I am here on behalf of love and I am here to tell you to shut up, you are missing the show.”

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Machols,

the community college is unworthy of your skillz

I'm glad I don't have to grade that one!!!

I can only say one thing to that one, Machols: if you're rebelling against the argumentative essay, why bother with college? It's what the collegiate system is based on, right or wrong. I'm not sure what grade you'll get, but I'm guessing your prof is going to be as confused as I am. Not that I recommend you dropping out of college...but I don't know if you'll succeed in subverting the system in this way.

Getting into your stream of consciousness makes a nice rhetorical point, I think, but I'm not sure what any of it MEANS. Maybe that's the point.

Personally, I think deconstructionism is poorly argued nonsense, but to each their own. Derrida has his groupies.

After thinking about your essay for a little while, I have to make an apology to you, Machols. Just because I don't understand it doesn't mean I should slam your essay. Your writing is really dense and I can't decipher a lot of what's going on there, but that doesn't mean it's nonsense.

My point, I think, was simply that you seem like a smart guy, and as such, I'd bet you could "fake it" to get an easy A in your class. Maybe you find that unpleasant...and that's fine. But I doubt your professor will find your "argument" persuasive.

As someone who grades argumentative essays on a daily basis, I react to yours with shock. It doesn't fit the pattern...we tell kids to be free thinkers, to be original, but then we tell them that there is a certain STYLE and FORMAT that they must use. It is a bit of a paradoxical thing to do. But I can't grade stream-of-consciousness. So, the format seems useful, even if it is mere "parroting."

Anyways...sorry if my first response was a bit terse. I hope your prof is more open-minded than me on your essay.

Hey Mike, glad to see you back. You do seem to be "feeling" the same way, but your literary skills are showcased in this essay better than you have ever presented them here before. I want to make it clear that I don't grade argumentative essays every day, but outside of music, I'm the toughest grader I know. I grade your essay an A. It makes total sense to me since it's just a streamlined version of what you shared here before. However, since I know nothing of your teacher or any grades you may have received in this class, I offer a few suggestions, so that "teach" has no reason to dock you any credit for grammar, spelling, etc.

These are in order and are specified as "fix" or "suggestion", etc. I have used shorthand, but I'm sure you'll figure it out since this essay is a written equivalent of your soul.

All in the same paragraph:
FIX "...man's indominatable spirit.

FIX "Oh, but too bad the government's corrupted"

SUGGESTION "the hearts of the Powers-That-Be fail to UNthaw." Did you mean to say "unthaw" or "thaw"?

FIX after...."that monster, right, kiddo?", there should be a NEW PARAGRAPH before you start bashing Lord Leo.

FIX "I wish I knew more about Einstein's theory..."

FIX "If there is one thing that I can't stand, it is intolerance. Intolerance towards YOURSELF, towards others, towards ideas, towards chaos."

COMMENT "May our beauty be our bruises!" Didn't you post this earlier at Metacritic?

SUGGESTION Instead of "Who here and what defines", how about "Who and what defines our [your] subjects?

FIX "I think I would like to assess the current situation"

FIX "Of all the things he could have said, he said that.

OBSERVATION Did you acknowledge everyone you quoted or paraphrased, or do you need to cite any other sources?

OBSERVATION I enjoy a spiritual discussion blended into an argumentative essay, but I remember how it turns off some teachers, so hopefully this won't be the case here. I already know that YOU won't change your soul to satisfy your teacher, but just a thought since I don't know your teacher.

I realize most of these criticisms are relatively-insignificant, but if you have a teacher who's just waiting to lower your grade, it gets rid of some reasons. I would have put a comma here or there, but as far as form and structure (establishing an argument and successfully following through), I find it exemplary. Good luck, Mike. Say hi to Mom, aka "this other voice."

I apologize, pE.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Machols,

quote:

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Originally posted by Machols:


I am figuring out what it is I want to write about and why, a reason to learn these rules. And I am bothering with college because I would like to be able to think better, and when proposed with the problem of explaining myself, can do so with ease instead of laughing at whoever is asking. I am not at college to get a grade, don't be silly, I will never have a job. I couldn't if I wanted to, so I don't want to. The value of the college experience is my own. It is what I am doing for leisure.

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That's what I expected, and I think that's a really cool reason to go to college. You're a sensitive soul, Mike, and your reasons are your own, to be sure, but I think they are good ones (maybe the BEST ones?) to be in college. I'm constantly surrounded by kids who are obsessed with grades at the expense of learning, and that's sad.

Maybe others will agree with mark...and maybe your comp professor will, as well. I find your essay to be an interesting exercise in self-analysis and possibly an attempt at exposing the absurdity of objectivity in the face of our subjective mindsets, but I'm not sure how well it successfully ARGUES anything. But I have my 20th-century analytical philosopher biases: premise, premise, conclusion. The fact that you bury it all is, I assume, exactly the point. Obviously, someone (mark) understood clearly your point, so my biases may be hard to escape.

I hope your college is more open-minded than those I have attended and taught at...comp professors tend toward the obstinate about style and structure of argumentative essays.

Derrida just died, and is the subject of much derision amongst "analytic" philosophers. He's much more in vogue amongst acedemics in English, comparative lit, drama, and foreign langauges than philosophers. His primary argument, as I understand it, is that even the author of a text doesn't have any priveleged point of access to the text, and that there is endless opportunity for an infinite number of interpretations of any one text. You might like it...try Of Grammatology as a starter.

Well, she gave us the assignment to write an argumentative essay and that you could be as creative as you wanted. Thanks for the help.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Machols,

nyuk nyuk nyuk

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Machols,

*POOF*

...what the hell was that???...anyway...what I meant to say was that I watched the awesome, awesome, awesome movie Pygmalion over the summer and remembered earlier today how totally awesome the music for the menu screen was...all these new things kept popping up, weaving in and out that were not audible on first listen. I looked online to figure it out, and believe it or not: NOTHING, can't figure it out. So, does anyone know who wrote the soundtrack for the Criterion Edition of Pygmalion???

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Machols,

Well Mike, I have the Criterion "Pygmalion" because I'm either just as whack and/or as wise as you. The music playing during the menu is from the ball where Eliza wins Higgins' bet, so it must be by the French-born Swiss composer of the score, Arthur Honegger. Click on his name to learn what you can. He has several other impressive credits, including Anatole Litvak's "Mayerling", Marcel Pagnol's "Harvest" and especially Abel Gance's monumental "Napoleon"!

I've mentioned "Pygmalion" here more than once, and I think it's actually the best film that was made up to its release (1938). It's incredibly funny and witty, but near the end, when it turns serious, the dialogue and acting stay at a very high level of "beautiful honesty".

Hey, Mike, stop editing your posts so much! "Trust your instincts, Luke...er, Mike." Go get'em.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: mark f,

Honegger. Thank you, Mark, very much.
I now have to write an argumentative...any suggestions?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Machols,

quote:

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Originally posted by Machols:
Honegger. Thank you, Mark, very much.

Well, obviously I went, gone, and done again what I always do, deleting most of my post. I also took back my essay before my teacher could read it (though I suspect she glanced at it judging from the odd look in her eye). Regardless, I now have to write an argumentative...any suggestions?

I have also come to the conclusion that if writing all that crap or whatever means being crazy and alone, i'm not interested, even if it makes total (non)sense. It's exhausting mentally and physically. That essay consumed me and then sucked me dry, so I destroyed it. I'd rather be 'normal' aka 'socially accepted crazy' than 'right'. Fresh air, good food, friends and family, that's good enough for me.

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Mike...

all i can suggest is this: go whichever way your heart (or mind or soul or groin or whatever guides you) tells you to go. mark is right...you self-edit too much! I know its hard to have your words out there in the world, being judged and critiqued by goofballs like ME, but if you feel strongly enough to write something, and you think it deserves to be shared, then share it.

I thought your essay was EXTREMELY original. If the asssignment was to write a CREATIVE essay, you did it. You'll always face critics who don't understand what you're saying, even if you put it in a more standard form. But that shouldn't stop you from being yourself.

If you really want to rewrite your essay, as I've said, you could fake it. You're a smart guy...I'm sure you can make a convincing argument in the standard form. But don't do it for the grade, since the grade is not your goal. Do it to prove to Machols that Machols can write argumentative essays in any style.

Whatever you write, don't let it consume you. Take a break, if it's driving you batty. Listen to some "good music"...shake yo' ass, have some good food, hang with your loved ones, chat with the mofo's on the Metacritic board. Go back to the essay when you're not ready to throw your computer through a wall. That's what I do when dissertation madness has me down.